Waiter: “HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR BURGER?”
Customer: “Um…it’s a veggie burger…it should be well-done.” Duh.
Customer: “Um…it’s a veggie burger…it should be well-done.”
“YOU ARE SO EGOTESTICLE”
Um… the word is EGOTISTICAL
I don’t dare post a photo with this one.
“MY MOM SAYS I SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL IN MISSISSIPPI. WHERE IS MISSISSIPPI?”
It’s right here! Geez. What’s going on that a high school senior doesn’t know where the U.S. states are located?
So I decided to investigate, and found this on www.usnews.com:
High School Seniors’ Geography Scores Don’t Improve
High school seniors’ scores on a national geography assessment showed no improvement between 2001 and 2010, and scores have declined from 1994 levels, according to a report released Tuesday by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES)…
“Geography is taught as part of social studies in grades K-4,”…Geography typically appears in grades 7 or 8 as a stand-alone course with a ‘world cultures’ label. In high school, geography is rarely taught as a stand-alone course.”
I guess she was absent a lot in elementary and middle school.
And then I found this at the Foreign Policy Research Institute site… no wonder she doesn’t know where Mississippi is!
“We all must learn geography in order to learn history. That is why it is so disheartening that many youth emerge from American schools virtually illiterate in geography. The 2002 “national report card” on geography found that 16 percent of eighth graders could not locate the Mississippi River on a map, and only one-quarter of high school seniors were able to interpret maps, describe regional features and socioeconomic and political factors.”
Good luck, senior, if you go to school in Mississippi. Hope you find it!
Note to readers: the main reason for this post is that I enjoy spelling Mississippi!
“WHICH WAS IS EAST?”
the fifteen-year-old boy said, waving his arms and pointing to various corners of the classroom.
“Well, which way is north?” I said.
The teen looked totally confused. “I just want to know which ocean that is in the east,” he explained.
I scratched my head. “Haven’t you ever been down the shore?”
“Yeah, sure.” He nodded. “Which ocean is that?”
I wonder if now, after all the hurricane related coastal flooding, this teen has learned that it’s the ATLANTIC OCEAN?!?!
Um…probably not. His power has been off and he’s had no internet service.
“THAT NEW INTERFACE IS CLOO-DGY”
What? I can’t even spell this one.
Oh… maybe he does know what he’s talking about. Every once in a while.
From the freedictionary:
kludge or kluge
DO THEY KILL THE MOCKINGBIRD AT THE END OF THE BOOK?
Uh. That would be a No.
Perhaps kids should wait until high school to read this classic.
“NOT FOR NUTTIN’”
What the heck does this mean? I’ve heard it numerous times as an introductory phrase to what the person has to say, but I have no idea what it signifies and it’s driving me nuts.
So, not for nuttin’ but I think it’s about time I figure out the meaning of ‘not for nuttin’.
To begin with, the word “nuttin” does not refer to nuts or the collecting of nuts. It’s the northern New Jersey/ NYC) pronunciation of the word “nothing.” So are ya’ clear on dat?
The phrase, the Urban Dictionary people contend, is the NYC/East Coast slang of the Caucasian working class (particularly Italians) and is usually pronounced “Not f’nuthin’, but….” (note: this is Urban Dictionary speaking—not me)
Some say that the origin of the phrase is the Italian “non per niente,” which generally means “not that I have anything to gain by this.”
So Sue and Maryann, now I know what youse means when youse say “not for nuttin.”
Dat ends dis blog entry.
(squirrel image courtesy of Animalclipart.net)
“ISN’T IT FUNNY?”
Many of us with older parents fear they’ll develop Alzheimer’s disease—that dreaded form of dementia that robs the person of memories of even the closest family members.
So when I received a very weird handwritten note in the mail from my mother, I feared the worst. This is what the cryptic note said:
O A B C D puppies?
M N O puppies.
O S A R
C M P N?
OMG! I said to myself. Was this the beginning of a memory disorder or a flight into psychosis?
I picked up the phone and called.
“Mom. I got this weird note from you in the mail today. What is this?”
Laughter on the other end. “Isn’t it funny?”
“Um… not really,” I said. “Are you okay?”
“The note is bizarre.”
“It’s so funny,” she said. “We used to do it when we were little.”
“I don’t get it.”
Then she explained. Couldn’t she have included the explanation in the letter and saved me time researching the symptoms of early dementia? So, here it is–the translation of the “funny” note she had sent me:
Oh, Abie! See the puppies?
‘Em ain’t no puppies.
Oh, yes they are.
See ‘em peein’?
DO ATHEISTS SAY “GOD BLESS YOU?”
Hmm.. good question. And if they do, should they? Since atheists don’t believe in God, should they be using the phrase in the first place?
It got me to thinking, where does this term come from and what does it mean?
Modern science explains that when our nasal passages become irritated, sneezing helps to clear out the offender, whether it be dust, pollen, or in the case of toddlers, anything that will fit up there. Did you know when you sneeze, water droplets and other ick come flying out at over 100 miles per hour?
I was surprised that my internet search session found that no one is sure where the term “God Bless You” originated, or why.
Some speculate that in earlier times, people believed that when someone sneezed, their heart stopped. So when we say “God Bless You,” we actually mean, “I hope God restores your regular heart rate.” So why not be clear and say that instead? I think it sounds more current. And just to reassure you, modern science has shown that the heart does not stop when we sneeze. Thank God.
Since a cough was the first symptom of the Black Plague during the Dark Ages, some suggest that people would say “God Bless You” and mean,” I hope those flea infested rats haven’t gotten to you.”
Others say that a sneeze expelled the Devil or evil spirits from the body, so “God Bless You,” meant “I hope you got all those buggers out of your system.”
Bottom line: no one knows exactly why we say “God Bless You”. So you can make up your own reason for saying it. Your reason would be just as valid as all others.
How about we say “God Bless You,” because when we sneeze, we close our eyes and God willing, we don’t crash into anything if we’re sneeze-walking. So we could instead say, “I’m so happy you didn’t knock anything over.”
Or maybe “God Bless You,” means “You should thank God that he made you cover your mouth when you sneezed in my face or I would’ve slapped you silly.” That’s probably too long a phrase, however.
How about simply, “I like you, but stay away from me if you’re getting sick.” That’s a good one.
Anyway, back to the question of “should atheists say ‘God Bless You’?”
Someone else has already researched this issue. If you check out http://www.ask.metafilter.com you’ll find one atheist who has no problem with the phrase. Other atheists report that they use, the German “geshundeit,” or “salud” meaning “health.” Another says “Go in peace,” while another says “Die in a fire.”
Seems it’s okay to say whatever you want. Personally, I like “Hey! Keep your snot to yourself!”
Do you have a favorite?
HE USES THE TOILET LID LIKE A BACKBOARD!
We’ve all seen it. Urine on the inside of the toilet lid which obviously has ricocheted like an eight-ball onto the toilet seat and then run down, like the Yellow River of China, into the water below. Lovely.
So why do they do it? I thought I’d “Google” to find out. I searched “male peeing habits” and found the following.
Up first was this entry, although I have no idea why:
“Unsanitary Peeing Habits of Urban Indian Women” This entry included the question “why do women pee on the floors in the washrooms of upmarket malls?”
After I saw this was the first entry to pop up from my search, I knew there was trouble ahead.
Next was a men’s only poll which asked questions about whether the man uses the fly on his underwear, whether he stands, sits or squats (???) and when outdoors, does he pee on a tree, rock, into a pond or in the middle of nowhere. Makes me want to stay on the trail.
After that was an entry about a puppy that “goes peeing on all four legs (like a horse.)”
It must be an “off” night for Google. The first entry is about Indian women peeing on the floor, then there’s a poll about men’s underwear flies and then a horse peeing puppy. Geez.
Let me continue.
On the next site, a woman complained “I am personally sick of having to bleach all around the toilets when I clean. And then my fiancé complains about the smell and I tell him that when he can actually pee in the toilet and not on it, I’ll gladly stop. Also I almost stepped in a pee puddle one night when we first started living together. The next morning I supervised him clean it up. Men are gross.”
Yeah! You go girl! You should’ve rubbed his nose in it! Oh, wait. That would be for the puppy that pees like a horse. Sorry.
I decided to stop after the following entry, lest things get completely out of hand (no pun intended.)
This entry was titled “Peeing in the Shower: Filthy or Fine?” from today.msnbc.com, a reputable source—well, at least compared to the others.
Ladies….PLEASE, PLEASE delete this blog after you read what comes next and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND TO READ IT!
The answer to “Peeing in the Shower: Filthy or Fine?” is:
“It isn’t really that gross. Unless you have an infection, urine is sterile and nontoxic. Proponents of “urine therapy” even believe it can help treat athlete’s foot.”